A Little About Me and How I Found My Mama Tribe

Happy Monday, Midlands Babywearers!

Strawberry picking
Boone Hall Planation

It's been a gorgeously hot weekend, full of babywearing and fun kids events. I hope you all ran into at least one babywearer this weekend, whether it was our group at the Natural Baby Expo/Great Cloth Diaper Change, or at Lexington Kids' Day - which gets far too crowded to make pushing a stroller very practical, or were one of the many people piling into the zoo, or maybe you visited Soda City Market on Saturday morning. I love meeting Babywearers in the wild, whether I know them already or not, I feel like I should know them. The babywearing community here used to be smaller, but it's growing now by leaps and bounds, and I can't wait to get to know everyone better!



In the four months I've been blogging, I've covered lots of how-to's, tips and tricks, and general babywearing topics that I hope will be a useful reference point for all of our veteran and novice Babywearers, and anyone else who stumbles on this blog. I wanted it to become a place where, when someone in our group, or the larger babywearing community has a question, you can say, "I've got a blog for that!" and you can easily link them to the appropriate blog post without having to write a lengthy response (unless you really want to, of course!)  - and I have seen many of you sharing the blog with that intent, and as Kai-lan says, "that makes my heart feel super happy!".

With that said, I wanted to take a break from that, and tell you a bit more about me, how I came to babywear, and how it's helped me be a better parent.

When I became pregnant with my first child, in 2009, the first two things I bought (after doing tons of research) were a stroller (a Maclaren Quest XL) which we still own and love, and a Kangaroo Korner fleece pouch, which I never wore a baby in (and now appears that they are no longer available for sale). For starters, I chose this cream fleece sequined and embroidered adjustable pouch which was gorgeous but probably the most impractical thing I could have chosen. I traded it for a brown polka dotted Hotsling pouch, which was far too small for me, and also never got worn.

Me and baby #1 at the zoo in the Ergo

Thank God my husband has better taste! He researched and researched for a carrier that would work for him, a 6'6" BIG guy. We went, as all expecting parents do, to Babies R Us to register once we found out we were expecting a boy (another reason that cream colored sequined thing never got used. I just couldn't put a boy in that), and he tried on what they had in store, which was mostly a collection of Baby Bjorns, and boy, was that just a laugh. Bless his heart, he looked like he was wearing a man-bra. But he really wanted to wear our son, too, so he went online and saw lots of great things being said about the Ergo baby carrier, and how great it was for larger people, like both of us were. When we found out we were pregnant, I had just lost about 20 pounds - but I was still very plus sized at 4'11" and 225 lbs - and I don't know what my husband weighed, but I know he wore 3XLT shirts. My mother in law bought it as our baby gift - the Ergo, suck pads (which never came out of the box), the infant insert (we never used it), and backpack, which could be worn independently or clip on to the carrier (we used it more than the carrier, I think).


Me and fur-baby Tigger in the Moby

I did some more research and bought a Moby wrap, which was an awfully long piece of stretchy fabric, and once it's out of its carrying bag, I could never fold it up small enough to fit it back in. But, I learned to use it, and practiced with our long suffering cat, Tigger, before our son was born. And we did wear him, for all the reasons I thought we would - he wanted to be held, sometimes strollers just aren't practical in all places, and I loved, at the time, that not a lot of people were doing it. I didn't see many other Babywearers in the wild. As our son grew, and we figured out what kind of parents we were, and were not, we discovered something. The parenting tribe we were in just didn't fit. You see, when we were still expecting our first, we became part of a wonderful small group at our church, and we loved the people in it, all young parents like ourselves. We got along great, and we had a lot of fun getting to know each other, watching our children grow, and talking about God and life and parenting. But we were different. We didn't talk about it, but as our son grew, it became pretty obvious to us that we just did things differently. We co-slept. We couldn't fathom letting our child cry it out. We sort of tried at one point, when he was close to a year, but it was half-hearted and we went back to doing what came natural to us, which was a tear-free bedtime. I breast-fed until one or both of us wanted to stop. We wore our baby, and would continue to as he became a toddler. When he was seven months old, we switched to cloth diapers. We didn't spank. We did and didn't do a whole host of things that were contrary to how our friends parented. It's not that they judged us or were at all mean about our differences. It's just that we realized we couldn't go to them for advice or commiseration on parenting topics. I didn't really realize at the time that all of these things made us "crunchy" or that we were doing "attachment parenting" - so many of these stemmed from laziness. The point is, as much as we loved our friends, they didn't quite work as our parenting tribe, and we didn't know if there were others out there like us, or how to find them if there were. So we were adrift.

I did find an online parenting tribe, at www.mothering.com. When I became pregnant with our

me, pregnant with baby#2

second baby, our first was 14 months old, and I desperately wanted a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). I knew having a doula experienced in VBAC would be a key factor to my success, and I followed a board signature to local doula's page. When we met to discuss my birth plans, and to find if she would be a good fit for us, I asked her if she knew any locals "like us". At some point during that pregnancy, I had found the local Holistic Moms Network meetings, and met some nice people there, but we didn't get together outside of meetings, and part of me chafed a bit at having to pay a membership fee to find friends. She directed me to a local babywearing group on Facebook. I had no idea that there was such a thing! I joined the group and looked forward to my first meeting, even though I was hugely pregnant and not wearing any baby at that point.

Our first meeting was at the State Museum. The great thing about babywearing is that, even not knowing anyone, I knew who was in the group, because babywearing is such an obvious thing to spot. That first meeting was a little awkward, as all first meetings are, as I tried to figure out if I fit. I met some moms then that I admired at first glance, and have since, like my doula, become life long friends. My second meeting, I brought my husband, since it was more of a whole family thing, to the zoo. When the other dads started talking about co sleeping and how great and wonderful and terrible it is (because it is all of those things), you should have seen his face light up. Here was our tribe, his sideways glance told me. People we could be real with. Parents who "got" us. Families that we didn't have to skirt or hide our parenting style from, like it was somehow wrong to want to be closer to your kids. It was refreshing and honest and perfect for us.

Once our daughter was born - yes, a fantastic VBAC - I discovered woven wraps after starting with a

baby #2 in the Baby K'tan

our first successful back carry
- reinforced ruck tied Tibetan
- in Hoppediz Panama size 6

Baby K'tan (first cousin to the Moby, a stretchy wrap with no tying involved). I wanted her on my back so I could chase my 2 year old around the yard. I started at home, with YouTube, and practiced, and practiced. Starting hunched over near our bed, I wrapped as carefully as I could, then (sweating), I shuffled, still hunched over with one hand on my 2 month old, to the bathroom so I could check out the results in the large mirror there. After many, many failed attempts that left both of us sticky with sweat, crying tears of frustration, and wondering if I would EVER figure this out. I did figure it out. But there were other carries I wanted to try, and sometimes YouTube is just not the same as someone in person helping you. So, off to another meeting I went, to get some in-person wrapping help with Double Hammock. I got the help I needed, and to this day, Double Hammock is one of my favorite carries.

tandem wearing kid #1 and baby #2 at the zoo
wrap is Didymos Waves Tramonto in a size 7

I learned how to tandem carry, both in one long wrap, and using two carriers. People started asking me questions about how to wear, and what to wear, if they were plus sized. Others asked me for wrapping help. And as I helped other people learn, I learned a lot about myself. I love to share babywearing knowledge. I love connecting people with others that can help them better than I can. I realized I know a lot about some things, but I still have a lot to learn in other areas. For instance, I can use a Mei Tai. I can probably help you get started with one. But it's not something I have everyday comfort and familiarity with, and I'll probably point you to another admin, like Jackie or Chris, who have used one more often, or one of the group members I've seen wearing one every day for the last few months. That's the great thing about our group - there is someone among us that can help with just about anything. Even with helping make your Baby Bjorn more comfortable.



That group grew, and grew. It got so big, it was getting really hard to help everyone, and really know everyone. With close to 500 members, many of whom were not active, it was no longer the close-knit, friendly (as in full of friends. It became a bunch of people who did not know each other well) group it once was. So one day, when baby number 3 was a few months old, some friends and I met to talk about what we could do to make the babywearing community here in Columbia better. We debated about what kind of group we wanted, and how to create it. We decided, between that meeting and a few others, that a new group - starting from scratch - that focused on peer-to-peer learning and sharing was what we wanted. We believed that each of us - no matter where we are in our babywearing journey - has wisdom and knowledge worth sharing and knowing, that can benefit others. So this story is also a story of how Babywearers of the Midlands came to be. At the same time we were building and dreaming this new group, the old group, the one I first jived with, joined Babywearing International, and became a new group, too, BWI of Columbia. Some of my best friends are members of both groups - I think both groups have a lot to offer the growing babywearing community in the Midlands. Our focuses are a little different (BWI, as an organization, focuses on leadership and expertise of its VBE's -volunteer babywearing educators, while we are peer-to-peer learning based), but the end goal is the same.

Now, when I'm at the zoo, or Publix, or Soda City, or even Wal-mart, and run into someone else wearing their baby, I assume I must know them - and even if I don't, I should get to know them, because I think they are awesome. And awesome people deserve a great mama tribe, and that's what the babywearing community is. It is chock full of the most generous, open, friendly people I could ever hope to know. I'm still friends with my church group. They are wonderful people and great parents. But my babywearing friends are the heart of my inner circle - they understand the joy I feel at mastering a new carry, they rejoice with me when a new parent finds the carrier that "clicks", they mourn with me when my formerly worn-everywhere baby no longer wants "up" all the time. The friendship goes beyond babywearing things, because they are also the people bound to have the best cloth diapering advice, tips for dealing with a restless nursing toddler, and there is no better group for commiserating over the joys and woes of bed-sharing. While not all Babywearers do all of the "crunchy" things - I've found they are the most accepting and open group for all parenting styles - among us there are formula feeding moms, working moms, stay at home dads, families who vaccinate, who delay shots, who don't give any, and the best part is, rarely do I ever hear any drama over any of these things. We know that however you are parenting, you are what you feel is best for your family, and that makes each one of you a wonderful person to know. And that's why I'm blessed to call them friends, and be a part of this tribe.

 

Upcoming events:

Saturday, May 10th - our weekend meeting - we'll be discussing babywearing in the hot, South Carolina summer

Thursday, May 22nd - our weekday meeting - this is a special partnership between our group and La Leche League to discuss nursing/feeding your baby while babywearing.

 

We also plan on doing an Ice Cream Social one weekend coming up soon, keep checking our Facebook Group for details that will be posted soon!