This is why we wear our babies (and toddlers, too)

It's Blog Day Midlands Babywearers!

Most blog posts start happily, but this morning's blog post doesn't. It isn't my story to share the details of, but a friend unexpectedly lost a child last night. My sadness for her family, my grief, is too pervasive to start this post up-beat. So why write today? Why not just wait until another, happier, day?

When a child passes, any child, whether the death is unexpected or at the end of a heartbreaking illness, all of us tend to hold our little ones closer. We snuggle them closer, smell each of their heads, and make note of all their tiny perfections, from the swirls in their hair to the dimple on each toe. That got me thinking about babywearing.

Why do we babywear? When you are out and about, I'm sure this comes up. Strangers will comment, "oh, you're going to spoil her!" or "You keep that up, that boy will never walk on his own!" or "Doesn't your back hurt?"  and depending on your personality, you either ignore them, shrug, talk about how practical it is, and how much you and your baby love it, or maybe your first language is sarcasm (like mine) and you throw back a funny retort.

These confrontations do serve as a good reminder about why we do this crazy thing called babywearing. There are those out there that despise the term "babywearing" because your baby is not an accessory, not an article of clothing. But no one has come up with a better term, so babywearing it is. When you first get into babywearing, it probably is about the practicality. It's so nice to be relatively hands-free, isn't it? No dragging a stroller everywhere out of necessity. No carrying that increasingly heavy child through the mall because they suddenly decided that they are unable to walk another step. No setting that tiny baby down (who doesn't want to be put down) while you chase your toddler at the park.

Jenna - snuggling a newborn
while corralling a toddler
babywearing WIN

And that's really when we get to the heart of it. Babies (and toddlers) love to be held. And as parents, we love to hold our babies close, and yes, even the toddlers sometimes (see above - I definitely will be holding my toddler and preschooler close today, whether they want it or not!). When you are a new parent holding your first baby, you could sit and rock and snuggle your little newborn all day. Gazing at the whorls of hair on the top of her head. Tickling her tiny toes. Giggling at her post feeding grins, and sighing as she falls asleep in your arms. But then she grows, and life goes on, and you just can't sit there and hold her all day long. Frankly, you don't want to sit there and hold her all. day. long. But your baby's desire to be held hasn't stopped just because you need to go the grocery store, or the mailbox, or even just cook dinner. That's when you start babywearing. To get things done, right? Maybe you started with a stretchy wrap, like a Moby or Boba wrap. Maybe you started with a narrow based carrier (like the Baby Bjorn). You might have started babywearing with buckle carrier like an Ergo, or perhaps a ring sling, because they looked easy. No matter where you started, you might have struggled at first. I hope you persevered. I hear from lots of parents who tried to wear their first baby, but the carrier or fit or something didn't work and neither parent or baby liked it. And now they are pregnant with baby number two and they KNOW how wonderfully practical babywearing can be, and they are determined to make it work the second time.  And most do, especially if they can find a group like this one, who can show them options and troubleshoot the carriers they do have. I firmly believe that there is a way for every baby to be worn that makes both baby and parent happy.

As your baby grows into a toddler who can walk on his or her own (I promise, even if your baby is one who wants to be held 24 hours a day, they will learn to walk. Quite possibly sooner than you expect!) Many of us continue to wear our children. Why? Partly because it takes much longer than crossing the walking milestone for children to outgrow their need to be held. And I don't know about you, but my arms get really tired just after carrying my 22 lb 14 month old out to the car, let alone his 27 lb sister or 38 lb big brother! So we continue to wear, to satisfy our growing child's need for comfort and closeness, and to save our arms. Seriously. And also, quite honestly, because a parent never outgrows the desire to hold our little ones. Even when they cease to be little.

Me, snuggling my preschooler

For example, the other week we were at our favorite park, Irmo Community Park, which my four year old Spiderman wanna-be dubbed "The Web Park", when said Spiderman wanna-be fell off the monkey bars, hurting his arm. He was in pain, and sad, and wanted to be held, but didn't want to go home. After a few minutes of holding him in arms, I asked if he wanted to go on my back, because seriously, I couldn't hold him any longer in arms. So, on my back he went. (in a standard sized Kinderpack, by the way. He was fine. Yes, if I wore him often, all the time, I'd get a pre-school sized one for both our comfort. But since wearing him is a rare thing, the standard size worked just fine) He continued to whimper, and rested his head at the nape of my neck. I continued to walk around and keep tabs on my wild 2 year old girl, and fast crawling 1 year old. Win-win.

That fast crawling 1 year old? Well, he's learning to walk. It's not a fast process for him, but when we

He finally fell asleep!

are out and about that's all he wants. He doesn't want to be held. He doesn't want to ride in a cart, and he doesn't even much want to be worn. He insists on crawling and walking, falling down laying on the floor, and trying to walk some more. This is both amusing and frustrating for me as a parent, because I still need to GET STUFF DONE.  You know, like buy groceries and shoes. So, when he's finally worn out, I put him on my back and continue to walk and shop. Eventually I feel his head bounce once or twice before falling heavily asleep in the sweet spot - that space between my shoulder blades that makes the perfect resting places for my babies' bowling ball heads. And I tell you, feeling that damp heavy head resting there, and hearing his breath slow to a sleepy pace, THAT'S why I babywear. There is nothing more comforting to me than knowing my children find in me a place they trust to fall asleep.



Melissa's H found her sweet spot

I wore my first, but not as much as I wore his sister, born not quite 2 years later. Her, I wore in woven wraps from when she was only 8 weeks old, and I continue to wear her almost daily for nap time. Partly because IT WORKS.  Some days she falls asleep even before I finish wrapping her. Partly because I love how it feels to have her asleep on my back. I do it entirely because we both love it.






So, really, why do we babywear? Do we do it spoil our babies or prevent them from growing up? Not at all. I think with most people I've met that wear their babies, it's more about embracing the present than rushing ahead to the future and forcing independence on our kids when they are not yet ready for it. This song popped in my head when I was thinking about this blog post:

"So let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day
Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle
Oh just let them be little"
- Billy Dean

And it's perfect. We babywear because we know this season in life is short. We want to let our babies be babies, and still be able to offer comfort and a place to rest for our toddlers and preschoolers when they need it.  That's all.

Upcoming Events:

 

We've planned our summer events around, and to include, your toddlers and older children who will be out of school. Please feel welcome and even encouraged to bring them with you! Part of why we do what we do is to give these tools to the next generation of parents so they will not have the same struggles we did with babywearing and parenting.

June 14th: Our June Saturday meeting at the LDS building on Assembly street, we will be talking about and demonstrating how to make and use doll carriers - a great addition to the toy box for kids of all ages.

June 26th: Our June Weekday meeting at the LDS church on Broad River Rd, we will be multitasking! Babywearing Yoga, led by Emily, who is a yoga instructor at Expecting Well. This is a great opportunity for your little ones and bigger ones to take part.

June 28th: the Midlands Baby And Kids Expo at the Metropolitan Center downtown. This is a huge event with a  ton of vendors and activities for parents and kids. We will have a table with the lending library, flyers, and cards, and we will also be giving a demonstration at some point. Stay tuned for more details as the date gets closer.

As always, stay in touch via our Facebook group with any questions you have, share pictures and stories, or just come chat with us on Wednesday nights.